My greatest teachers have been the ones that made me angry. The ones I wanted to hate or judge or write off. The people I’ve unfollowed and re-followed time and again.
They were pushing me beyond my comfort zone or calling something out i’d rather ignore. They were taking the proverbial lid off my nicely sealed box and ruffling my perfectly laid feathers. Heaven forbid they smash my black and white notions.
These people were sending me soul mail before I was conscious of it’s delivery. My heart was, though. My Spirit too. And they were nudging me…. asking if I was ready to look honestly in the mirror and face the thing I’m running from.
… The question, the wrestle, the doubt, the shame, the longing, the fear. And until I answered yes, the cycle continued:: Follow, unfollow. Judge. Hate. Criticize.
The greatest gift I’ve learnt to give myself is the permission to look within- to ask the hard questions and be willing to stay curious. To see my reactions as white flags, begging for attention- things still needing love or healing.
And like a mother, sitting with her child, I choose to listen. To hear the angry, mean and hurting parts of myself without judgment or guilt. It isn’t always easy and I can’t always fix it. But listening – and not looking away- is the first step and half the battle.
There’s freedom when we “get comfy with our holey, Holy humanity.”– Leanna Tanskersley